Sunday, October 9, 2011

Cherishing Our Husbands As We Would Our Children

        We do not have children as of yet, but there is always the dream. I will confess that my heart aches to hold, teach and love children in an indescribibly powerful way. I say this as a cautious confession because to reveal such truth to myself is so often met with criticism. I have been given all the reasons why children are not where my thoughts should lie, but there they rest in the blissful dream of the possibility of family. One day.

         I often daydream of life with a little one looking to me to show him/her the way in life. In truth this is the predominant influence a mother or father has on a child, is it not? It isn't the words spoken, but the example lived. And so, they ask: "What is truth, mama?" "What is noble, mama?" "What is right, mama?" "Am I to have a loving spirit to all?" "To what purpose shall my words be put forth?" Show me

        Would I sit at the dinner table and discuss the matters of another's life with a critical spirit and judgementalnes? Would I lash out when my schedule fails causing us to rush and things left undone? Would I be so eager to seek out my needs and security in other, and thereby harming those relationships (as well as pull from the true source of reliance on the Lord)? Would I excuse my laziness or selfishness in serving and loving as I do now? Would I ask my children to walk on eggshells guessing which step will result in an emotional breakage? Would I be short with them with my words and haughty in my actions because I have not decided to overcome my foul mood. Would I truly show them unconditional love and offer them a safe, secure and loving home in which to dwell lavishly?

          In my imagination, I, of course, would do none of these. I would demonstrate the kind of love, grace, and example that Christ has shown me. Children are afterall a gift and blessing from the Lord and ought to be considered as such, are they not?

        And then I awaken from my slumber to the realization that I already have been given a great gift and blessing- my wonderful husband. I must then ask myself all those questions as before with the firm realization of my influence and purpose as a wife. What is it in the future daydream of family defined as with children that has cause me to neglect that he and I are just as much a family. He deserves just as much of the demonstration of love, grace and example of Jesus as any. The man God has selected to be my husband and the home and family He created with the two of us is, indeed, precious. How can I possibly expect myself to suddenly transform for the sake of children when I have yet to establish such for the respect of my husband?

          As I looked across the breakfast table this morning at church at the precious little girl delighting in the love of her mother, that familiar ache arose within my being and for a moment I allowed myself to drift in to the daydream. But then I looked to the side of me to see my husband and within my hand I felt his loving grasp. Why do I believe the role of mother is so far superior than that of wife that I leave the condition of my heart, and my behavior as an extension of, as a element of the future? Have I created our home or been the kind of wife whose love my husband can delight in? No one is perfect, and this writing isn't about perfection. It's about opened eyes to the state of my heart. Time and time again I take the Lord's blessing of this moment and my husband and like a sheet of paper I crinkle it up and carelessly toss it away in favor for a fresh piece when the first was sufficient.

           Perhaps this time of longing, this ache within my heart, and the repeated "no" answer is serving a greater purpose than I may be able to comprehend. Maybe it isn't just the timely and delicious meal or maticulously maintained home that is to be learned during this time (though those are indeed very purposeful goals), but also the leaning on the Lord and the trust in his teachings as a way to live- now.
So, I am encouraged to once more refresh myself on what it means to love fully, and not just apply it the image of self in the daydream but to the reality of self in this moment with my home and family just as it is.

    4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 Love never fails....  12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
1 Corinthians 13:4-13


  1. In the meanwhile think of all of the together time you get with your husband (in all contexts of the word)! :) Praying that His will is carried out and that you will achieve your dream!

  2. It's so easy sometimes to get caught up in the "what if's" of life that you forget to live in the moment! This post is such a good reminder that we may not yet have children, but we do have husbands. And when we do have children, what a wonderful thing to give them for them to see a good parent relationship.

    Also, thank you for stopping by and leaving a comment! I have heard of 31 Days to Clean, but hadn't really looked more into it, but I think I will. I'd love to have some good reinforcement on getting a cleaning schedule down!

  3. Carrie- You're so right in that when we do get time together it can be just us. When busy work weeks hit, I'm so grateful for just 10 minutes! How quickly I tend to forget how meaningful our time together is during the other weeks! :)

    Monica- I must admit that I'm often far too consumed with the "what ifs" of life! I agree completely that to give a child a solid marriage relationship in the parents is so important! :)

  4. It was nine years before God blessed our home with a child. It's hard not to dream about a child of our own. I do think the extra time we had cemented our relationship -- even if it wasn't our plan. Seeing you younger ones focus on loving your husbands makes me happy. I believe it makes God pleased, too.


  5. Just found your blog tonight via a search for Homemaking on Pinterest. What a blessing! Before we got married, we decided that I would be a full-time homemaker. We'd be ready when kids came along. So we thought... We were married 6 1/2 years before our daughter was born. Five years later we adopted two children through foster care. I absolutely LOVE being home and have from day one. But I certainly felt like an oddball. Few could understand what I could possibly do "all day." I often felt like I had to prove my worth by being super productive! But God is faithful! One time I said, "Maybe I should get a job?" to my husband, to help financially. He blessed me like crazy by telling me that I contribute way more to our home by being here, than I ever could by bringing home a paycheck. Perhaps we could've afforded more luxury items, but we both believe our quality of life has been much richer. Zero regrets on that decision! It has been 22 1/2 years, I'm still at home, and God has been faithful.

    I just want to encourage you that what you are doing is of HIGH Value! It is important, and God is glorified through you! Christian marriage is to be a picture to the world of Christ and the church. This has nothing to do with children. I understand the yearning for a child, and how very difficult baby showers and Mother's Day can be. I've been there. Thank you for being open and real. I believe others will benefit from your blog. I have tonight. God is at work in you, in your marriage, in your home, in your heart. And He is good!

    1. Welcome, Melissa! I'm so glad you found my blog! Thank you for sharing your story. I can completely relate to every part you shared, even the part about having children of our own taking longer than expected and consideration of fostering/adoption. One of the joys of blogging has been connecting with so many who have or are experiencing a similar life path.Thank you for your sweet encouragement! :)


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