Meaning of Home

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            The boxes and furniture have been delivered to your new home and now set in a chaotic array in each room. In spite of the mess, I see the beauty of potential. My creative mind busily composes images of the arrangements, textiles, and unique pieces that will offer such comfort and attractiveness to these open spaces and blank walls before me. I eagerly wait to add the many touches that will help to transform the generic townhome unit into something much more special- our home.

            Yet, even with all these elements in place a certain depth will remain missing. I could have all the decorative elements and the utmost style in our home, but without the company of friends and family the space will remain empty. The essence of a thriving home is more than the materials that comprise it; it’s the people who join together within that space.

            This notion is not new, and is, in fact, a commonly shared piece of wisdom. However, to some degree “home” remains to have a negative connotation. Home is the place where we can take refuge from the outside world, it’s our coveted storage space for all our dearly held personal belongings, it’s the place we get “stuck” in when we have nowhere else to go or no one with whom to go out. And for some, home is filled with so many unsettling moments or people that associating it as a good in life can be a challenge. With so many poor definitions of “home” existing, creating it into something completely different may seem daunting. It’s not! Each new day is a new opportunity to believe in the potential of home. There is so much depth and meaningfulness that can be instill into our homes!

            My heart for our home is for it to be a place that not only brings comfort to my husband and I, but also to others. Similarly, our space and possessions can serve others just as well as they serve us. In her book Simple Secrets to a Beautiful Home: Creating a Place You and Your Family Will Love Emily Barnes says:

                        Welcome home! That’s what I want my life to say to everyone whose path crosses mine. I want to create an atmosphere of serenity and joy, of blessing and belonging, that embraces people (myself included) and draws them in—an atmosphere that makes them feel loved and special and cared for. (page. 9)

Does this welcome and service require a little more of us? Certainly! Is it worth it? Absolutely! A life and home without welcome and service are regrettably missing something that truly enriches life. It’s not always easy to practice hospitality, especially when it feels like a faded practice among others. Nonetheless, I believe in the beauty of opening the doors of my home to guests and will continue to strive to do so. Think of it this way- could we spare one night each month to invite a family to enjoy dinner, dessert or an activity together? That’s only twelve days out of three hundred sixty five. Sounds a little more possible, right?

            But what if our homes are not decorated exactly like we’d want, or we don’t have the right (or enough) pieces to serve or entertain many guests? Then, take a breath and refocus yourself on the people not the possessions. Your guests are there to spend time with you, not necessarily your things. In fact, when they are there don’t even mention what is not as you’d like or how you’d change it if you could. The true lacking in that case is not of a material matter but a personal one. What is it that makes a less than desirable place one you feel compelled to return to time and again? It’s the content and joyful spirit of the person within the home! Strive to be the kind of person who is so content and so delighted in the company of others that everything else is insignificant.

Finally, what if we viewed our homes belonging more to God than us? Would our possessiveness lessen? Would we be less likely to use it as our hole to hide in? I believe God has a plan for each of us and will provide us with means to achieve that purpose. It’s about Him and His glory! That perspective has really influenced my desires for the meaning of my home and the means by which to achieve it. So as I continue unpack boxes and then decorate our space, I know that even if everything doesn’t come together as I have envisioned God does have it all together still! 

Linked up at: Passionate and Creative Homemaking, Our Simple Country Life, The Purposeful Mom, Renewing Housewives, Homemaker By Choice, Fingerprints on the Fridge, Your Thriving Family, Thankful Homemaker, Growing Home, Time-Warp Wife, Women Living Well

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The Family Car

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What is the value of each individual owning a vehicle? I began to toss this question around more and more this year. When my vehicle is predominantly sitting parked in the parking lot, then its necessity and alternate use for it’s worth comes to be questioned. Yet, I also considered what owning my own car represented- wealth, status, convenience, and even entitlement. We do not live in an area with public transportation or biking paths, and so I wondered if it would even be feasible for us to downsize to sharing only one vehicle.

There was a time in which families did share one vehicle- the family car. All driving members of the family had to make arrangements necessary to accommodate the needs or wants for its use. What allowed one car to be sufficient then but not now? Perhaps it has to do with expectation. As vehicle ownership increased in time so did the expectation for such. The seeming norm now is for each driving member of a family to have his or her own vehicle. In fact, it is not unusual for sixteen or seventeen year olds to be provided a vehicle of his or her own (but not necessarily true ownership). There are certainly many, many other factors at play for the greater possession of vehicles now in comparison to previous times. Expectation is simply one.

          

      After much discussion my husband and I made the decision to sell one of our two cars.  We weighed the pros and cons to making this rather big decision, and the following were the factors that were considered:

Advantages:

• ·         Avoid costly maintenance/repairs.
• ·         Financial stability
• ·         Decreased insurance payments, taxes/registration/tags
• ·         Option to replace two older vehicles for one more reliable one
• ·         Eliminates a "yours" and "mine" mentality within our marriage
• ·         Humility

Disadvantages:

• ·         Inconvenience
• ·         Lack of transportation in the event of an emergency
• ·         Immediacy of purchase if a two-income situation were to be needed
• ·         Judgment for choosing to live differently

     Ultimately, the advantages outweighed the disadvantages. We’re still discussing whether we want to trade in the remaining car for a newer vehicle. After finally achieving no car payments and one less debt, I’m reluctant to rush back into another one. Even then, we’ll continue to be a one car family. It takes a little more planning and intentionally if just one of us needs the car. Sharing a car also takes compromise. All of these qualities are good characteristics to develop personally and in a marriage. Sharing a car is simply another means of doing so.

Everyone’s situation and needs for transportation are unique, and I will certainly not assume that what has been appropriate for me and my husband is the same for others. If you are considering downsizing to one car, however, then I hope to encourage you with my experience.

Linked up at: A Mama's Story, Courtship Connection, The Alabaster Jar, Thankful Homemaker, Growing Home, Time-Warp Wife, Women Living Well

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Content with Self

          Perhaps greater than the challenge to learn to be content with circumstances is to be content with oneself. I must admit that this is a daily struggle for me. I know that I must come to define myself through my Creator, however, it still remains a learning process. I recall that in all things contentment comes through learning (Phil. 4:11 ref), and it appears that sometimes that learning must include a curve. So, while I still struggle at times to reconcile who I am in Christ and who I am in this world, I proceed to explore the concept of contentment with self.

¹³For you formed my inward parts;
you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.
¹⁴I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works;
my soul knows it very well.
¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret,
intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
¹⁶Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them,
the days that were formed for me,
when as yet there was none of them.

-Psalm 139: 13-16

                God is given complete credit for the creation of me, and yet I am struck by how little “I praise you.” He has created my personality, abilities, and physical shape according to his design. Yet, I am often far too preoccupied with being discontent with these areas of being that I abandon focus on declaring his works wonderful to such an extent that “my soul knows it well (vs. 14)”. Am I honestly prepared to accept the journey to discover a definition of self entirely through the Creator? I must come to realize and live by his design of me was meant to glorify Him.

Personality

I find 1 Samuel 16:7 to be of an encouragement when it says “The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” And so, it is one’s heart or character that is of greater value. How am I focusing on this? Am I so busy with activities that I must push aside the development of my inner being? At times in my life, I have knowingly denied myself for the sake of maintaining a full schedule of activities. My situation has changed quite a bit from those times, and I aim to take advantage of this opportunity to properly place my focus on matters beyond a resumé.

                What is my attitude regarding my personality? I must confess this is a tough matter of acceptance for me. Even though we are created by and for God, we must still interact within this world. If your personality stands out more than conforms, then you will run into the exploratory and doubting question of “why would you create me this way?”. As for me, I am a rather quiet and sensitive person. I love big and believe in the best in all persons, and am easily hurt and dismayed. I am creative and truly come alive when I can create. One of my greatest struggles has been trying to reconcile my deep desire for home & family with a world which pressures worth in a career. I completed my assigned tasks when employed, but my heart was always elsewhere. I’ve considered reentering school or work (yet still out of obligation), but I’m blatantly aware that my heart is far from those entities. In fact, my entire experiences in those pursuits were entirely about trying to fit my personality into those molds. When we must deny who God created us to be and work towards assuming who he didn’t create us to be, then it is a pretty clear indicator we are not relying on him and are traveling in the wrong direction. I recall when I was first introduced to the homemaking world. For the first time I didn’t hate my personality, interests, or abilities but able to praise God for them. Is this not what is written in the psalm? Is this not the point at which we are to arrive at in live- finding our niche within God’s carefully crafted design?

 Body

                “If you could name one thing you would change about your looks, what would it be and why?” It sounds like some kind of cruel game that dares us to reveal our deepest insecurity of our physical appearance. Yet, this “game” is often one we voluntarily play each day when we examine ourselves.  I wonder if when we are displeased with our bodies or features if God would respond by saying, “Are you questioning me? I knitted you together as I wished you to be.”  Perhaps when I am searching for beauty in all the wrong ways I should give that concern or doubt to God and in turn thank him for so lovingly creating me as he saw fit. (Similar to giving our discontent with our circumstances to Him in prayer and thanksgiving mentioned in the last post).  Acceptance of our appearance, though, doesn’t allow us to neglect maintaining ourselves. We ought to take care in maintaining the body he has given us within which to serve. Even with a pure intent, we must be on guard against nutrition, exercise, or health from becoming an idol. Ultimately God is sovereign and his will will be done, but that does not excuse our laziness. I really hate exercising, but I know that it is good for my body and spirit to ..well, get off my couch. I likely will not become that competitive athlete as before, but I can certainly work towards greater physical condition and endurance a little each day (even if just a walk!).

                 I have learned an incredible lesson of how my attitude towards myself impacts my family. When I believe or expressing discontent in my personality, appearance or abilities it pierces my husband as well. Your husband married you because he loves all those things about you.  His desire is for you to see what he sees. We are to enjoy one another as a married couple, and we can’t do that if there is a barrier in one pathway. It’s hard to love someone who refuses to love him/herself. Furthermore, it isn’t the responsibility of our spouse or children to define us or give us value. We shouldn’t be seeking them for contentment in ourselves. I especially feel this way in regard to placing and passing on our insecurities to our children. As wives (and some as mothers as well), we have a great responsibility to guide the emotions within our home. Let them express positivity, contentment, and security in Jesus.

When I consider the most beautiful women I know, I am aware that it is their lovely spirit that has made them beautiful. They are filled with strong character qualities and the love of Jesus. These are the women I wish to be more like. I’m far from where I would wish to be in finding contentment in my personality and physical appearance. I would consider myself to be journeying through sifting through the traits I learned or assumed previously in life and those I’m gleaming from walking with Christ. Imagine the impact contentment with self would make in our lives and in our relationships. If you know of a Proverbs 31 or Titus 2 lady, then take a moment to talk with her about her journey.

Resources:

Calm My Anxious Heart: A Woman's Guide to Finding Contentment by Linda Dillow

http://www.duggarfamily.com/content/character_qualities

Content With the Circumstances

“⁶Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ⁷And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. ⁸Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything Is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things.” ~Philippians 4:6-8

     We like things to be in converse relationships- good vs. evil, light vs. dark, positive vs. negative. If we view our circumstances through the classifications of the latter, we inevitably will focus in closer on one aspect than the other. Where does my mind often drift to and rest? In honesty, I so often frequent the negative. In a sense it is to simply sort and understand the negative, but in the long run I lose valuable life dwelling on the very thing that could be overcome by  simply not giving it so much undeserved attention. For instance, my tendency would be to live the above verses as such:

Be anxious for everything, in everything pray and petition last, neglect thanksgiving, handle everything on your own. … whatever is false, whatever is lowly, whatever is wrong, whatever is tainted, whatever is reprehensible, whatever is unworthy – if anything is lousy or illaudable – think about such things.

I rarely even realize when my inner negative attitudes or dispositions are being displayed. Yet, I can always tell because well…no one likes a “negative Nelly.” It isn’t about being the life of the group, but being the light. As a Christ follower, am I displaying him and his love others in my perspective on my circumstances?

To determine which side is our actual pattern, make a list of the negative and positive circumstances in life currently. Which list is longer? Which grouping or item receives a heavier weight? Regardless of how we imagine or want ourselves to be, what we think is what we are. You cannot simply wish to be a more joyful or positive person. It must be an inner change. The ultimate means is acceptance of Jesus as Lord and Savior. A secondary means is to choose.  We can choose to see the ugly in life or we can behold beauty.

                In the verse mentioned above (the actual verse, not mine), it says “in everything, in prayer and petition.” My initial “in everything” is to release an emotional response. Instead, Paul is instructing us [me] to offer all concerns in prayer. God wants us to come to him first. The idea that I even attempt to solve anything without going to him first strikes me as ridiculous, and yet that’s what I do! He also says to pray and petition “with thanksgiving.” The wisdom of offering thanks is that we 1) show gratitude to the One who deserves it all and 2) relinquish our selfish perspective.

                God’s part in contentment is stated in verse seven. In the midst of unpleasant circumstances from the past or present, God provides His peace which “transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

                My part in contentment is in the next verse. I must shift my habits from my own selfish perspective to a heavenly one. Proverbs 23:7 says, “As he thinketh in his heart, so he is.” Is what I think upon and therefore become glorifying to God?   Changing a behavior (ultimately a heart) isn’t an overnight event. Believe me I’ve tried to break the cycle of negative thinking. The key that I had missed in those attempts is that learning a new lesson doesn’t occur in an all-or-nothing fashion. It takes practice! School lessons, music lessons, sports lessons etc. are all taught and then practiced many times over.  Linda Dillow provides some suggestions for applying this principal into practice (additions in [] mine):

·         Choose to give our anxieties [and discontentment] to God

·         Choose to pray specifically

·         Choose to be thankful

·         Choose to dwell on the positive

I am completely inadequate to be anything but discontent with an ugly perspective without God. His grace is sufficient, and by such we can “be transformed by the renewing of your [our] mind” (Romans 12:2). It is through Christ that we may experience a different kind of thinking, feeling, and perceiving. It is through Him that we may live with contentment.

Further Reading:
Calm My Anxious Heart: A Woman's Guide to Finding Contentment by Linda Dillow

Journey to Contentment

“I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret to being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.” –Philippians 4:11-13

                Paul expresses his contentment so beautifully and securely in this passage. My level of contentment at times feels completely inadequate, but how I long to learn this way of being. His secret to contentment was in his absolute dependence and trust in God from whom strength was given to endure.  Growing to depend deeply on God is the key, and I pray that is the fruit of my focus on contentment over the next few weeks.

Contentment

                What does it really mean to be content? Does it mean to hide or bury our feelings or thoughts of discontent? Doubtful, because then an inner prison has been created. Instead, contentment is a state of genuine acceptance which brings freedom and peace.  It is the point of not wishing for what could have been or what could be still; total satisfaction in the present state regardless of what it may be. Linda Dillow defines it best when she says, “Contentment is a state of the heart, not a state of affairs.” We may not be able to change our circumstances, but we can certainly change our hearts! Paul uses the word “learned,” which indicates that this is a learning process. We can do it too! Ella Spees set five guidelines for developing a habit of contentment. They are:

·         Never allow yourself to complain about anything – not even the weather

·         Never picture yourself in any other circumstances or someplace else

·         Never compare your lot with another’s

·         Never allow yourself to wish this or that had been otherwise

·         Never dwell on tomorrow – remember that [tomorrow] is God’s, not ours

I found the guidelines she established for her life to be of high applicability to my own. She maintained a heavenly perspective, and thereby didn’t allow herself to become bogged down by discontentment. She was able to serve Him fully with a heart fully His.

Sovereignty

                Discontentment is really a state of eyes (focus) disconnected from God’s. To maintain a heavenly perspective is to acknowledge God as fully sovereign. He is the master controller of all things. 1 Timothy 6:15 says, “which God will bring about in his own time – God, the blessed and only Ruler, the King of kings and Lord of lords.” What a supreme difference in life if God were permitted to be the blessed and only Ruler? I imagine I would be far less concerned about the insignificant frustrations of the day as well as the “what-ifs” of the future. The question then begs to be asked of how much control I am attempting to assert over my circumstances. Am I overly discouraged or distraught when an outcome isn’t as expected? It is easy to think that our efforts or prayers for that outcome were worthless. Yet, was my prayer one of offering God my concern and allowing him to be the blessed controller, or am I instructing Him of how the outcome or even the process should be?

                God desires for us to focus intently on Him, and in the meanwhile He will provide strength sufficient for us to endure any circumstances. I’m so thankful that contentment is, indeed, a learning process that we can all partake of regardless of our point in life. We don’t need to cling to control over our circumstances for contentment, but we do need to hold tightly to Him and allow Him to be our “Ruler..King..and Lord.”

Further Reading:
Calm My Anxious Heart: A Woman's Guide to Finding Contentment by Linda Dillow