Marriage is challenging because it requires us to stretch to new limits of patience, selflessness, forgiveness, mindfulness or intention, love, and understanding among many other qualities. Each year presents new conditions within which a marriage is worked. A choice must then be made to allow ourselves and our marriage to be strengthened or broken by those elements. Interestingly, there are times in which seeming brokenness reveals itself to be strength. Our third year of marriage has been much smoother than our previous two. While that likely has something to do with an ease in circumstances, I'd like to believe it has more do with the fact that we can understand the full sweetness of the present day only because we've tasted the bitter of former days. Though our approaches are often different, we share a common vision to be one solid unit in marriage. It's a process and a work that produces a beautifully deep kind of love and marriage. Praise the Lord for lessons that shape us more and more to be the kind of people he created us and our marriage to be- even if the means of teaching is trying.
Rarely is there a difference in perspective or preference that is worth damaging or breaking a relationship. I believe that God uses marriage as a tool to sharpen and grow us as individuals. If I stood firm in a “my way, or no way” attitude, then I’m not allowing marriage to do the work that God intended. There are occasions in which a compromise is the best solution, while other matters are best just being dropped. A resolution will not be reached by pressing an issue to the point at which tension develops. Ultimately, the quality of our home and family hold greater value than any subject of disagreement.
A strong marriage is built through conscious effort
Relationships require constant effortful investment! The greatest demand of a relationship is that of ourselves. Meanwhile, the greatest giving I can offer is that of my time and attention. . Nothing else will suffice. I've seen more this year how often my attention is focused on myself. I had never realized how selfish I could be until I married. I'm consumed with my wants, my concerns, my emotions etc. True selflessness in marriage is to put aside what I want or even feel at that moment in preference for what is needed by my husband or our relationship. I notice how David does this so well, and I'm grateful that he is so steady for me and us. He demonstrates such strong character qualities of which I can admire and learn. He gives of himself- his time and attention, and that is a beautiful building block in marriage.
I feel that attentiveness to all moments of life and marriage is one quality that makes our marriage/family and home so special. When we married, I didn't care a bit about the wedding or anything else. I simply wanted life together. I love all the little moments of sharing life together from making snow ice cream to planting flowers to picking and preserving strawberries. Building a strong marriage/family and home is about intentionality of investment. One component of that is the resolve to be be purposeful in sharing even the smallest moments of life together.
Finally, the following verses remain close to my heart especially in regard to marriage:
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil butrejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (emphasis mine)
Additional Resources:
Our Second Anniversary Reflection & Video
201 Great Questions for Married Couples
by Jerry Jones* {A few of the questions in the video came from this book}
by Jerry Jones* {A few of the questions in the video came from this book}
*Note: Some of the products listed above contain affiliate links to Amazon.com. Reviving Homemaking is an affiliate of Amazon.com, and as such receives compensation for each purchase made through the links.
Linked up at: Christian Mommy Blogger, A Mama's Story, The Alabaster Jar, The Modest Mom Blog, The Better Mom, Far Above Rubies, Growing Home, Time-Warp Wife
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