Showing posts with label Traditions. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Traditions. Show all posts

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Meaning of Home

living room at morning
Source

            The boxes and furniture have been delivered to your new home and now set in a chaotic array in each room. In spite of the mess, I see the beauty of potential. My creative mind busily composes images of the arrangements, textiles, and unique pieces that will offer such comfort and attractiveness to these open spaces and blank walls before me. I eagerly wait to add the many touches that will help to transform the generic townhome unit into something much more special- our home.

            Yet, even with all these elements in place a certain depth will remain missing. I could have all the decorative elements and the utmost style in our home, but without the company of friends and family the space will remain empty. The essence of a thriving home is more than the materials that comprise it; it’s the people who join together within that space.

            This notion is not new, and is, in fact, a commonly shared piece of wisdom. However, to some degree “home” remains to have a negative connotation. Home is the place where we can take refuge from the outside world, it’s our coveted storage space for all our dearly held personal belongings, it’s the place we get “stuck” in when we have nowhere else to go or no one with whom to go out. And for some, home is filled with so many unsettling moments or people that associating it as a good in life can be a challenge. With so many poor definitions of “home” existing, creating it into something completely different may seem daunting. It’s not! Each new day is a new opportunity to believe in the potential of home. There is so much depth and meaningfulness that can be instill into our homes!

            My heart for our home is for it to be a place that not only brings comfort to my husband and I, but also to others. Similarly, our space and possessions can serve others just as well as they serve us. In her book Simple Secrets to a Beautiful Home: Creating a Place You and Your Family Will Love Emily Barnes says:

                        Welcome home! That’s what I want my life to say to everyone whose path crosses mine. I want to create an atmosphere of serenity and joy, of blessing and belonging, that embraces people (myself included) and draws them in—an atmosphere that makes them feel loved and special and cared for. (page. 9)

Does this welcome and service require a little more of us? Certainly! Is it worth it? Absolutely! A life and home without welcome and service are regrettably missing something that truly enriches life. It’s not always easy to practice hospitality, especially when it feels like a faded practice among others. Nonetheless, I believe in the beauty of opening the doors of my home to guests and will continue to strive to do so. Think of it this way- could we spare one night each month to invite a family to enjoy dinner, dessert or an activity together? That’s only twelve days out of three hundred sixty five. Sounds a little more possible, right?

            But what if our homes are not decorated exactly like we’d want, or we don’t have the right (or enough) pieces to serve or entertain many guests? Then, take a breath and refocus yourself on the people not the possessions. Your guests are there to spend time with you, not necessarily your things. In fact, when they are there don’t even mention what is not as you’d like or how you’d change it if you could. The true lacking in that case is not of a material matter but a personal one. What is it that makes a less than desirable place one you feel compelled to return to time and again? It’s the content and joyful spirit of the person within the home! Strive to be the kind of person who is so content and so delighted in the company of others that everything else is insignificant.

Finally, what if we viewed our homes belonging more to God than us? Would our possessiveness lessen? Would we be less likely to use it as our hole to hide in? I believe God has a plan for each of us and will provide us with means to achieve that purpose. It’s about Him and His glory! That perspective has really influenced my desires for the meaning of my home and the means by which to achieve it. So as I continue unpack boxes and then decorate our space, I know that even if everything doesn’t come together as I have envisioned God does have it all together still! 


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Sunday, July 8, 2012

Second Anniversary Reflection & Video




Second Anniversary Reflection Questions
(Um...what a wild look on my face to start a video! Yikes)
    
      Marriage is challenging because it requires us to stretch to new limits of patience, selflessness, forgiveness, mindfulness or intention, love, and understanding among many other qualities. Our time dating was flawless, and I had expected marriage to be a continuation. It has proven to, instead, be a wild ride of thrilling highs and crushing lows. Our first year of marriage wasn't "newlywed bliss," but survival of our circumstances. This second year has taught us tremendously about applying 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 to move from just surviving to fully loving. It's a process and a work that produces a beautifully deep kind of love and marriage. Praise the Lord for lessons that shape us more and more to be the kind of people he created us and our marriage to be- even if the means of teaching is trying. 

 Expectations must be expressed and agreed upon, realistic, and within the context of who your spouse is
       The roles of "wife" and "husband" are significant and not to be taken lightly, especially within the context of a Christian union. However, I've had to acknowledge that we each had different views and expectations for those roles. After rounds of discontentment and disappointment I began to see how my husband was upholding his role but in his own unique fashion.  I wanted him to talk more, but have realized that he wisely reserves his speech to be of something meaningful and encouraging. Faith or God is probably mentioned more in church than in our home, we don't pray together or do family devotions, but I have seen over and over how he strives to truly display the character of Christ. In other words, I see how he values walking the walk over talking the talk. We don't go out and do many of the activities that others do, but I understand that within our personalities is contentment and beauty in taking advantage of small moments together at home. There are so many expectations I held my husband to without even realizing it, and am amazed and blessed to watch (often, in retrospect) those assumptions be transformed to exceed my expectations. Coming to admire your spouse and marriage for who/what he/it is and not your expectation is the making of a strong unit!

Marriage may not be entirely for our happiness, but instead for our holiness
     What do you do with the label of "newlywed bliss" when it feels far from it? When I see other couples exhibiting joyfulness, closeness and a smooth transition into marriage I wonder what did we miss because we're out of breath and climbing mountains. Bitter comparison aside, we haven't missed anything because God is teaching us lessons that are appropriate for us and us alone. No, our married life probably doesn't look like others and that's okay. We have our own lessons to learn and tests to take, neither of which   are guaranteed to be easy. I have personally learned so much from marriage and to be honest it has nothing to do with happiness. Instead, it has everything to do with personal refinement into more Christ-likeness. I enjoy how Gary Thomas says,  "What if God didn't design marriage to be 'easier'? what if God had an end in mind that went beyond our happiness, our comfort, and our desire to be infatuated and happy as if the world were a perfect place? What if God designed marriage to make us holy more than make us happy?" in his book Sacred Marriage. This perspective has been influential in accepting less than ideal circumstances and being open to whatever God has in mind to be gained from them. It's something that I'm don't do all to well and am in need of reminding often, but I'm grateful for those reminders as well. 

Always, always remember that if we have family, then we have everything
     Daring to go against the grain by practicing homemaking with less than ideal circumstances can be tough!  However, we have each other and together we can climb mountains far better than we could alone. I'm so grateful for his companionship and that together we are "family." I have a wordart painting I made hanging in my home that serves to encourage and recenter us and it reads, "If we have family, then we have everything." When stresses render life to feel like it possesses nothing, I'm reminded of the incredible value of family. It's what we're about and why we've made the choices we have.  As with anything, it's a journey to achieve maintaining this confidence during trials. Yet, I can look forward to this upcoming year continuing to learn to define having everything as having family, even if that remains defined as just he and I.

Two verses that have been close to my heart this past year:
"Love is patientlove is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seekingit is not easily angeredit keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (emphasis mine)

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28 (emphasis mine)


Favorite Marriage Resources:
201 Great Questions for Married Couples by Jerry Jones {A few of the questions in the video came from this book}




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